CHUCK
KOLLER'S
WORST JOKES

AGE AND WOMANHOOD


  1. Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa,   virgin and unexplored.

  2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia,   hot and exotic.

  3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America,   fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.

  4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe,   exhausted but still has points of interest.

  5. After 56 she is like Australia,   everybody knows it's down there, but who gives a damn?




THE HARLEY MAN


  Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
  Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
  Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
  God said, "Ah, yes."
  "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
   "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.




Save the Instructions...

  A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
  Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"
  The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
  The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa ppppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
  The clerk responds, "Yes we do."
   "Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe fffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?




OLD SOLDIER

An old soldier was celebrating 82 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes.
   "Hello toes!" he said, "how are you, toes? You know, you are 82 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we walked in the park in summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy birthday, toes!"
  "Hello knees", he continued. "How are you, knees? You know you`re 82 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy birthday, knees!"
  Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willy! If you were alive today, you`d be 82 years old!"




Dear Redneck Son...

  I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
  We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
  I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
  This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
  The weather ain't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
  About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
  John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried cuz it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
  Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother...
  Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
  There ain't much more news at this time.
   Love,
   Mom
   P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.




DRACULA SUCKS

  Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of their car and hisses through the windshield.
  "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
  "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
  Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
  "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
  Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine?
  "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
  "Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
  She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"




MAN AND WOMAN
  WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

  MAN: Definitely not!

  WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

  MAN: Of course I do.

  WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

  MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

  WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

  MAN: (makes audible groan)

  WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

  MAN: Where else would we sleep?

  WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

  MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

  WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

  MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

  WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

   MAN: Shit.




IS THIS YOU?
  Inner Strength If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

   If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

  If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles

  If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it

   If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

  If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

  if you can take criticism and blame without resentment

   If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

   If you can conquer tension without medical help,

   If you can relax without liquor,

   If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

   If you can do all these things .......

    ;THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG....




SAD PUDDLES
  A little girl is walking along in the park when she comes across 3 little dogs sitting there she bends down to stroke the first dog and says "How are you today little doggy"

  To her utmost surprise the dog answers "I am very happy and contented, and have been going in and out of puddles all day" The girl then turns to the second dog and says " How are you today little doggy"

  The dog answers "

  I am very happy and contented, and have been going in and out of puddles all day"

   The girl then turns to the third dog and say "Little doggy you don't look as happy and contented as the other two, why would this be"

  At this the third dog answers "because my name is Puddles"




HIDE AND SEEK
  A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored.

   "Hey, let's play a game" she said.

  "What game?" was his bored reply.

  "Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."

   "What if I can't find you?"

   "I'll be behind the piano."




INDIAN MATING CALL


Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....



NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN




SOUND DIRTY AT THNAKSGIVE
BUT ARE NOT

  "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

  "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

  "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

  "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

  "Talk about one huge breast!"

  "How many are coming?"

  "I'll just burst if I don't undo my pants!"

  "Are you ready for seconds yet?"

  "Are you going to come again next time?"

  "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

  "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

   "Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

  "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

  "You still have a little bit on your chin."

  "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

  "How long will it take after you stick it in?"

  "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

  "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

  "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

  "Just lay back and take it easy... I'll do the rest."

  "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

  "Don't play with your meat."

  "It's Cool Whip time!"




FACTS
  If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
  ( Hardly seems worth it )

  If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
  ( Now that's more like it )

  A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
  ( In my next life I want to be a pig )

  Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
  ( Still not over that pig thing. )

  Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
  ( I still want to be a pig in my next life. Quality over quantity. ) Butterflies taste with their feet.
   (Something I always wanted to know. )

  A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
  ( I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

  An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
  ( I know some people like that.)

  Starfish have no brains.
  ( I know some people like that too. )

  Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
  ( What about the pigNULL )




THE DRUNKEN STRANGER
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

  Then, a louder knock follows.

  "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife, So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

  "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "can you give me a push?"

  "No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

  He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

  "But the guy was drunk!" says the husband.

  "It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him."

  So the husband crawls out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:

  "Hey, do you still want a push?" the husband asks.

  From the darkness, the drunk replies, "Yeah, please."

  Still being unable to see the drunken stranger, the husband shouts, "Where are you?"

  And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."




WORLD'S BIGGEST LIARS


  1. The check is in the mail.

  2. I'll respect you in the morning.

  3. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.

  4. It's only a cold sore.

  5. You get this one, I'll pay next time.

  6. My wife doesn't understand me.

  7. Trust me, I'll take care of everything.

  8. Of course I love you.

  9. I am getting a divorce.

  10. Drinking? Why, no, Officer.

  11. I never inhaled.

  12. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

  13. I never watch television except for PBS.

  14. ...but we can still be good friends.

  15. She means nothing to me.

  16. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."

  17. I gave at the office.

  18. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.

  19. I'll call you later.

  20. We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.

  21. Read my lips: no new taxes.

  22. I've never done anything like this before.

  23. Now, I'm going to tell you the truth.

  24. It's supposed to make that noise.

  25. I *love* your new _____!

  26. ...then take a left. You can't miss it.

  27. Yes, I did.

   28. Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.




REAL SENIOR PERSONAL ADS
  FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

  LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

  SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

  WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

   BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.

  MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

  MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.




REDNECK DITTIES


  Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who passed away and left hisentire estate to his beloved widow ...
  But, she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

  How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
  When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."

  How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married?
  There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

  Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
  It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

  What do they call rerun of "Hee Haw" in Alabama?
  Documentaries.

  Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi.
  If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

  A Georgia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?",
  "Bout wut?"

  Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
  The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

   Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books -- poof! -- up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
   A new law recently passed in West Virginia: When a couple gets divorced, they're STILL brother and sister.




YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA WHEN
  Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway near Okeechobee..

  "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

  You've seen all the big bands 10 years after they were popular.

  You measure distance in minutes.

  You know several people who have hit a deer.

  Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

  Your school classes were never canceled because of heat.

  You've even had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

  You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

  Stores don't have shopping carts; they have "buggies."

  You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

  You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing dinner.

  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal (including pesky insects)!

  You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (And your car as well!)

  You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

  You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

  You think everyone from a bigger city has a "Northern accent."

  The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for sports.

  You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

  You find 90 degrees "a little warm."

  You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

  There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1,000 or more.

  Going to Walmart is a favorite pastime known as "goin' Wal-Martin'" or off to "Wally World."

  You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "goooood chili weather."

  A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

  You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.

  You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread, with flavored flour and water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").

  You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Florida and to a few "feriners," who love you anyway. Could you be a Floridian at heart???




NEW AFGAN TOWNS

Now that American B-52's are reorganizing Afghanistan's landscape, US intelligence has discovered that the Taliban have renamed some of their towns to confuse us.
These new names include:
1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. Oshit-Disisbad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdishit
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin
10. Imma-Dedshmuck




SUCKER BET

There was this 5-year-old boy named Johnny, and he was very wise in the ways of the world. His problem was that he was a compulsive gambler and couldn't resist making all these outrageous wagers. "Hey Dad! Behind that pine tree you'll see two squirrels fucking!"
The father was understandably shocked. "Son, how could you say such things? There are no squirrels doing anything."
"Hey Dad, I just speak the facts. If I win, you pay me 5 dollars, if I lose, I pay you 10 dollars. That is a very reasonable offer."
The father agrees to the wager. They walk over to the pine tree, and sure enough two squirrels are coupling. So the father forks over the five dollars as he promised.
It so happened that September was just around the corner, and Little Johnny had to start kindergarten. Needless to say, the father did not want Johnny making his wagers with other innocent children. So he calls the kindergarten teacher to warn her of his son.
"Err... Ms. Smith, I want to tell you that my son Johnny is prone to make explicit sexual remarks and even wager money on such. Could you please disabuse him of such a filthy habit by any means necessary?"
The teacher says she will try.
So the first day of class starts. Not even five minutes pass on the first day when Little Johnny pipes up. "Hey Ms. Smith! I will bet 50 dollars that you have brown pubic hair!"
Obviously the teacher was flabberghasted by Little Johnny's remarks. She grabs his ear and hauls him to a side room. "I oughta spank you and wash out your mouth with a bar of Lava soap, you filthy little boy!"
Little Johnny took this all in stride. "Hey Ms. Smith, I just speak the facts. If I win, you don't owe me anything. If you win, I will pay you fifty dollars." Little Johnny even pulls out the wad of bills to show the teacher he is not bluffing.
Now Ms. Smith has blonde pubic hair and she is a severely underpaid kindergarten teacher. Besides, the father did request that she put an end to his wagers. What more appropriate way to end them than to prove him wrong for once in his life? So she peeks out the door to make sure nobody is at the door. She then locks the door and doffs her drawers in front of Little Johnny. Sure enough he can see that her pubic hair is blonde. Downcast he begrudgingly forks over the wad of money he bet.
"Now Johnny, I trust that you will never make any bets ever again."
Now Ms. Smith is quite proud of her little victory (and making a little change on the side). She calls up the father to tell of her success. "Iam pleased to report that your son will never be wagering again." The father is quite curious as to how she did it.
"Well, err... You did say use any means necessary. Johnny bet me that I had brown pubic hair and, well... err... I proved him wrong."
"Just how did you prove Johnny wrong?!"
"Well, uhhh... I took Johnny into a side room and I showed him my genitalia." Ms. Smith was quite nervous at this point.
"That goddamn son-of-a-bitch! He bet me 100 dollars that you'd take your underwear off on the first day of class!"




IF GOD WERE A WOMAN
1. Sex would smell like chocolate.
2. Farts would smell like roses.
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh.
4. Babies would come from vending machines.
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection.
6. All women would have the same size breasts.
7. There would be no cellulite.
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE.
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch.
10. There would be no "Tittie Bars"....Male Revue would continue.
11. Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife.
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii.
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle.
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed.
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife.
16. Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth.
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches.
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds.
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek.
20. Viagra would become an over the counter drug.




THE 2 ASSHOLES

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Darryl said,"Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup," Gomer. "I've never seen 'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."






Scared Paratrooper

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.

The next day, he called home to tell his father the news.

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, let me tell you what happened," the son said. "We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane.'

"Is that when you jumped?" asked his father.

"Uh, no. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked his father.

"I'm getting to that.

Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt.

"So, did you jump?"

No. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, "'Are you gonna jump or not?'"

"I said, 'No sir, I'm too scared." So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took out his you-know-what. I swear, dad, it was about ten inches long and big around as a baseball bat! He said, 'Either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ass.'"

"So, did you jump?" asked his father.

"Well, a little, at first."




BEST WISHES


Three men -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across an antique lamp and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish", says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming

Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, most particularly Jews or Americans can come into our precious Islamic state."

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer says, "Before I make a wish, I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."

The engineer says, "Fill it with water."




Lisping Midget

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says
he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks "How will I recognize him?"

That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment".

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if
he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives
the horse's eyes the once over. Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again,
and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point,
but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms
and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat,
pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

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